How your house it paid for two times before you make your first payment.

I am going to whine for a second.

i can not get my Microsoft words to register this blog so i am stuck here doing my post. But its more fun, more choices in words…Poor me…. ok i am over it.

So what should we learn today.

So back to Mortgages. So yesterday i was telling you how when you leave from signing all them papers with a big shit grin on your face, Feeling good cause you just got yourself a new home/or new car. I does feel good. if we had tails we would be wagging our tails right here….lol the mortgage people then sign your note “Pay to the order of the United States of America with out recourse” and your house is paid for that day. Book entry is ~0~.

Then because of our/your signature this allows them to make more money. Then they loan us (the one who signature gave them the money) our own money and we pay it back with interest….

Love this WTF…..

So the next step in the mortgage and car notes are done the same way. They get paid for the home or car that day. But wait……

We also signed a mortgage note/deepMd of trust…. Then that paper gets put in a pile of other notes and put in to the stock market as a MORTGAGE BACK SECURITY AND AGAIN YOUR HOME GETS PAID FOR. This is all done before you make your first payment….

So how do you all feel about this?

Do you think i am full of shit?

Does this not piss you off? If fucken should because you are being made to work your ass off along with your partner and the kids are running wild or someone else is raising your kids cause we are working our ass off to make ends meet….

Do some research…. You will see that this is all real and true.

Just know when doing research you will run into government propaganda telling you this is bull shit. I assure you it is not. And this is just the surface. There is more but i do not want to over whelm anyone.

So a little bit about me.

I came from a single parent in the 70’s when signal parent where far less common that today.






So growing up i did not have any friends who only had a mom, or even later in life i had not met anyone who only had their mom. I never even dated anyone who only had a mom. The closest to me was a father who had died and the short period of time before she remarried. My mom did married for a minute when i was 11 to 12. I said a minute. Oh there is a good funny story there, but not to day….

Does that not seem so strange when we look at the world today. A lot has changed in the 48 years .

Then to add salt to my open wounds of life… My mom was what should we say “bat shit crazy” or maybe “off her rockers” oh hell we could find so many more but you get the point.

One of the smartest women i even known. She was awesome as long as you were not her daughter. I have a cousin who got her signature tattooed on her wrist. Ya that was a day of pain and not understanding oh the joys of life.

the thing i dont understand about that day is this….

when my little cousin and my mom were getting really close, why or what was brought up about me and my brother? Because at that time he was living with me and had been for a couple of years. i was an only child for 13 years and then my brother comes along. along with foster homes for me, group homes for me. yad yad yad. No father for him either. oh that is another story that is so fucked up…..

Those years suck ass… I was so confused and didnt know who or what to do with a 14 year old boy who ate so much food…lol was i mom/sister or sister /mom , could i be just sister what am i?? what am i suppose to do with this kid and all his yard ape friends. . Running around tapping anhydrous tanks making meth. On top of that my youngest daughters father made life hell for us…. Good times

i do not would not do them again, i would rather eat green eggs and ham with Sam i am…

I will eat them in a box , i will eat them with a fox ,

i will eat green eggs and ham with Sam i am as long as i dont have to go back to them day again.

loll i have no skill when it comes to making shit sound good.

oh well

My brother and I do not have a relationship today. Sad but true. He is not a happy person. Ya he puts on the facade that he is happy and maybe he is to a point. He has two healthy children a really good job and house a wife a dog.. the american dream. The reason i say he is not truly happy is:

.Happy people do not put other people down.

They do not treat them like shit. For the last 5 maybe 6 years every time my brother got pissed off at me he would scream cruel , cruel things at me. without ever checking the facts or coming to talk to me. He believe other peoples lies about me. This last Christmas he told me he thinks i am a piece of shit because my youngest is going through so shit. NO Sarah what is going on? This is what i am hearing about you, like a good brother would do.

It is heart breaking.

I can not allow him or anyone to abuse me like that any more. I do enough of that all on my own.

I can not find where the fuck those tapes in my head are stashed. if i could i would smash them to pieces never to be played again. Man that would be nice…

. Today when they start playing they are really loud most times. This started some years back. Boy i can not believe how cruel i was to myself

. I would not ever be that cruel to another person or animal or trash can. Wait maybe a tv….lol i use to take my girls fathers t.v. when we were fighting and set them outside. I didnt actually throw them out, i would pick them up and put them outside in the hopes that they would follow…. That back before flat screens, the big ass heavy fuckers.

. WHY THE FUCK WHEN I GO AND CORRECT MY MANY MISTAKES DOES IT EAT MY WORD ON HERE…HELP HELP ITS EATING MY WORD…FUCK THIS WHY I STARTED OUT WHINING TO DAYA short version of how i got here is: I spent my 20’s doing piles of cocaine and meth reading self help books. At the age of 28 i committed my first felony of assault. a story for another day. 30’s where full of brother and his yard ape friends, lots of meth the good stuff that i am glad is not around today cause that shit was to good and 89% of people can not handle meth at all. there is that 11% that is old school and still do it today. But they are rare and people outside their circle have no clue.still reading self help books, but now i go to treatment for the first time….Did you know treatment is about not ever using again. WTF…. Ya i am a dork….. I truly believe treatment was about learning to maintain. Yep i am 28 years old and I was flabbergasted when i went to my first treatment and they started telling me i was an addict (well duh, ) and once an addict always and addict. and if you cant get your drug of choice you will do whatever drug you can get a hold of which is total BULLSHIT. i went round and round with a lot of people the next 4 treatments. I kind of like treatment. what i went round and round was i am not an alcoholic and refuse to this day to say that i am one. How can i be an alcoholic when i dont like to drink that often, when i do drink i rarely get really drunk and i always have some kind of alcoholic in my cupboards all the time. Try telling me what i am and am not….. i do not fit into your nice little box, ha ha… So 30’s where a lot of growing , a lot of loss , drama, drugs still, despair, breaking point, trauma, rip away from my kids with no warning. kids traumatized, new life, starting over, met my husband. My earlier 30’s were some of the worst years of my life, but it was all worth it, the pain the work all of it, cause it brought me to where i am today. which brings me to my last 11 months. I have done more reading, listening, looking tring to understand, crying cause i can get it. Reading statutes and laws is the most time consuming fucked up use of words boring ass shit. which of course is done on purpose. This shit is the hardest stuff i have ever learned in my life. NOt like my self help books that have laid out plans for what to do….lol I have done a lot of it on my own. No body to bonce ideas off of. nobody to ask what they interpret the words mean. i live in a law dictionary. You have to have one if you are to ready any laws or statutes. it is a must. I do not have many friends these days. I trust no one but nobody can live life like that, you have to trust someone. So i trust two people. i am getting better , i am at a point that hurt me and that is your lose. My pain will heal. Will yours cause i will not be back. That is more about the leave of trust we give. I know pain, it hasnt killed me yet and if it does kill me….. Well until that day there is work to be done. . I do trust my dogs I have great dogs.

This is not a picture of my dogs. not sure how i managed to do this but i am leaving it cause it is a cool picture. Check out her eyes.

Which bring me to the last part of this post. i came across a guy on facebook who does a lot of live feeds. i had watch a handful of his feeds after the fact. They kept my interest and he had some valued points and more than not hit the nail dead on the head first try. I was impressed. Then i caught an actually live feed and was dumb founded or lets called it flabbergasted. i like that word flabbergasted, not sure why cause it made me think of when my little brother, he use to fart into his hand then chase me and throw them at me..EVERYTIME did not matter if it was a minute or five they still stunk oh so gross…DING DIDNG DING I KNOW WHY I LIKE THE WORD FLABBERGASTED….

… flabbergasted by the pure raw energy that pore out of this mans body. Real raw and no bullshit. no making it sound pretty, no propaganda, i felt like i had met my twin. I could feel his pain which is nothing new cause another one of my gifts is i feel other peoples shit. Only a few do i feel their pain and joy through social media. That s because its social media duh…… no it because most of the time you have to stop and pay attention weather its reading or listen to the person first.

I have never been been good at sugar coating anything. I have finally learned some tact in how i say shit.. but not a lot. i have lost a few fair weather friends by my telling them the truth. Like “hey dude its not cool to drive with your kid after you been here drinking all day, I know its all gravel to your place but hey why don i follow you home and i will take drove Keven with me.” Didnt see much of them after that… now not at all. ”

That is how shit goes.

Here is the thing

Everyone has a story and every story is worthy of being told and to have other hear it. Everyone story.

But to tell your story which you should

you have to be real, truthful. Pain, laughter its all part of our story….Failures and the stupid things and choice we made are all part of it. You have to be willing to share those also , Trust me if you think your story is dull and not worth of telling , those are the story i love. if its real and raw that is all i care about…

I dont want to here any more propaganda in my life. i will but i don want to …I am not good at knowing if someone is feeding me bullshit or not. it take me longer than the average bear. Part of this is because i am so not judgmental. at all. It is not my job to judge anyone nor do i want such a job. That is Gods job. and i do not understand lying about yourself. It baffles me. I get the making your 6 inch fish you caught in to a 9 inch fish. But to lie about who you are means you are a bad person. Simple as that. So you can lie to me and get away with it for a minute. But i have a gift, i have a few gifts. We all do. Someday they feel like curses. But they are gifts. one of my gifts is i can get anyone to talk. The shyest person who barely said two words ever…. I rarely ever meet that shy person. If i am there for any amount of time and am not doing some kind of work , i will be talking with them. The other gift is my feelers will in time expose you . the toxicity of a persons lies affects all of us. Weather you know it or not we are all connected. Toxicity of lying about who you are will over load me and i will expose you, even if i didn’t want to expose you i will cause when i go into over load it happens .

it why i can not be in a casino for to long. So much disparate and toxicity going on that i am over load within a few hours.

Sookie came from my oldest daughter her first litter and my daughter had a really hard time letting them go. She is eventually going to live with my youngest when she gets settle if she gets settled. I would rather she didn’t leave till she s about two. She is a great puppy. Listens well smart, she has good rotty marking for only being 1/2 Rottweiler and half Mastiff. the white spot on her chest and another one under her chin is the only tings not Rottweiler. .as far as looks. she can cop the Rottweiler attitude\onec in awhile but there is alot of mastiff in her also. It is a great combo. To me there is no better dog than the Rottwielder.

his is my Savannah she is 5 and the baby or was the baby. She is stil having a hard time with Sookie. But its slowly coming along. Plus she still getts to go with me pretty much anywhere i go caue she is a great car dog. she hangs out doest bake at people ,unless they come up to the car. lol

Peace love and happiness

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